Event Today!

Since our focus this month is on Relationships, I felt it was only fitting to have a discussion about them (on & off the grid) Don't be shy. Come on out and support! Let's elevate?

Relationships: Friends

Choosing the first topic to blog about for August was difficult. I mean, I realize there's a million other subjects that need to be addressed. I am fully aware of the many Social and Economic ills that plague our communities and I truly hope to take some time to touch on as many as I can. Elevate (the blog, the place, and the group) is all about healing and connecting. I can't speak for everybody but my desire first, above anything I share on this site, is that you (the readers) will grow. It doesn't matter how that growth manifests itself whether it's through thoughts, feelings, spoken word or any form of self expression. The goal here is build. Now, on to the Topic for this month.



"Relationships"
Friendship

Yesterday I had a really insightful and inspiring conversation with a dear friend of mine. We discussed a slew of topics but the one that really stuck with me is when we spoke about friendship. We all have had our share of good and bad relationships in that area, right?
So how do we determine what's working and what isn't? Sometimes it takes for something tragic to happen in our lives for it to be revealed to us who is true. Sometimes it's just a gut feeling. I long for the days when friendship was simply sharing the other half of a Snickers bar and a "falling out" meant that friend couldn't sit next to you in the lunch room. When did it all get so complicated?


I found this quote in an article written by Stephen Ernst entitled Poisonous Relationships: People we hang around can kill our destiny.

He writes:

We need to remember – who we allow into our lives – will either:

- help destroy our destiny
- or inspire us to fulfill our destiny

So which type of friend are you? I am a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you. I find that if people see that you won't stand for negativity then eventually they will stop bringing it your way. I surround myself with those that not only share in my joys when I am successful but encourage me and hold me accountable when I am not doing the things that will lead me towards my destiny. I can't say that this is the formula for forming the best possible lifelong bonds but it's working for me. I challenge you to look at your relationships this month and explore what works for you. Let's elevate.




In the meantime here's a poem by Bassey Ikpi
"Sometimes Silence Is The Loudest Kind Of Noise"

QiQi this one is for you... thank you for sharing your journey with me.











artwork "Friendship"
by Gosia Gajewska
view more or purchase here

who am I?

I am not going to dig too far into this issue because it's been discussed in-depth for centuries. But on a personal note, for over a month or so I (Vertigo Verb) have been on a self exploration about who I am and where I fit in society. It's funny but now at the near completion of my quest for knowledge and a deeper understanding of my community sadly, I've only arrived at more questions. For example... What is good hair? What is speaking Black or acting White? What truly defines race or culture? Where do the lines begin and end? I mean, what if you're like me (bi-racial) Where do we "fit" or "belong" in society? Let's say you were a Caucasian girl brought up in a African American (It's difficult being so P.C.) household does that define who you are or will be? Who defines what is beautiful? And who wrote all these unwritten laws of behavior that everyone seems to subconsciously follow? Ah so many questions.

I was speaking with a friend of mine two days ago, swapping stories about our childhoods. We grew up similar households. Both with Mother and Father present, possessing secondary education, and the occasional family trips. By having parents with decent priories it afforded us better opportunities in education and pretty much our overall quality of day to day life. Instead of being embraced by our community we were teased and ridiculed. Singled out as either "Boojee" or "trying to act White." She even shared with me a story about how she would deny where she was from in her attempt to be accepted. I mean since when did having both parents in a home become a luxury? Since when did being able to go to a school where the likely hood of getting gunned down is less than average become a character flaw?

Can somebody please help me understand????

And what the hell is Good Hair?


Here is a poem I found to be both entertaining and informative.


Let's Elevate?

"White" Nafessa Monroe

also if you enjoyed that poem check out Zora Howard's poem called "Bi-Racial Hair"

here

Motives and Thoughts

I had every intention to post something here about Childhood and how it shapes who we are today. Instead I've decided to post this video from Lauryn Hill. It features a poem she did entitled "Motives And Thoughts" on the show Def Poetry Season 5, Episode 1 in 2005. It had me thinking all types of things about what I believe and why. Hopefully it will do the same for you. Go ahead... get lifted.

"Motives and Thoughts"
by Lauryn Hill


Rotating bodies, confusion of sound
Negative imagery, holding us down
Social delusion, clearly constructed
Human condition, morals corrupted
Trapped in reaction, lawlessness war
Dissatisfaction from bowels to core
Devil’s technology, strategy for
Human mythologies, urban folklore
Sick of psychology, counterfeit cure
Wicked theology, robbing the poor
Scheme demonology mislead the pure
Strictly strategically studying war
Light shown in darkness, image exposed
Few can see through the new emperor’s clothes
Lustful this hustle turn humans to hoes
When the blind lead the blind
Just more trouble and woes
It’s the mind that they chose
Its designed to stay closed
Standard of jokers, court just a logic
Sick looking cosmics, from schoolyards to college
Primitive man with civilize knowledge
System collapse and he still won’t acknowledge
God is the saviour, studies behavior
Trying to fix the mix mind that he gave ya
Stiff-necked scholars on prescription meds
Wishing their problems were all in their heads
Morale dilemma, pride is the root
Misguided from youth, heart divided from truth
Egyptians and Grecians, spiritually dead
Imperially led, by the gods in their heads
Motives and thoughts
Industrial wealth
Global economy, in it for self
Heart full of madness, covered with kind
Pleasure designed to take over your mind
Furnished in godliness, painted in good
This tainted priesthood got real saints misunderstood
While classes in government, set up the veil
And cultivate minds for more mythical tales
Typical Hollywood follies good girl
While vice and corruption take over the world
Motives and thoughts
Check your motives and thoughts
Blind with the wickedness, deep in your heart
Modern day wickedness is all you’ve been taught
Lied to your neighbors, so you get ahead
Modern day trickery is all you’ve been fed
Motives and thoughts
Check your motives and thoughts

Happy Father's Day!

To All The Fathers

To The Fathers that have passed and watch over
To The Soon To Be Fathers
And To The Mothers that play both roles

We salute you and thank you




Shihan - Father's Day

Self Image

Lots of us have friends or know women who are plus-sized and love it. They rock their curves and flaunt their bods in figure-conscious clothes. They eat what they want and don’t apologize for it. They don’t chastise themselves by saying things like, “I was so bad!” after indulging in a chocolate bar or skipping the gym for a day. This might even be you.

I’d think the prevailing thought when it comes to these women is, “You go, girl!” But what if the woman is legitimately overweight, not just “curvy” or “plus-sized-as-in-Size-12-so-not-really-plus-sized”? Say she’s 50 pounds overweight but still loves her physique, is uber-confident and happy and wouldn’t know a body image struggle If it smacked her in her ample behind? Do we want to encourage the woman who loves herself, is overweight and may actually be endangering her health?

A new study out of Temple University shows that, for these ladies, having an extremely high body image can lead to health problems. Researchers studied the body image perceptions of 81 underweight, normal weight, overweight or obese women in the North Philadelphia area and found that as their body mass index (BMI) increased, two-thirds of the women still felt they were at an ideal body size.

“So the question for doctors then becomes, ‘How can we effectively treat our overweight and obese patients, when they don’t feel they’re in harm’s way?’” said study researcher Marisa Rose, MD, Assistant Professor of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive Sciences in the Temple University School of Medicine. “It stresses a need for culturally sensitive education for this population.”

All women had their height and weight measured and completed an anonymous survey to determine their self-perceived, current and ideal body sizes. Each woman was then shown an illustration of different-sized women that correlated with increasing BMIs, and were asked which size they felt they were at currently, and what their ideal would be.

What the researchers found: While most of the participants selected illustrations of women in the normal to overweight range, about 20 percent of the obese women selected an overweight or obese silhouette as their ideal body shape. 68% (15 out of 22) of overweight participants and 84% (26 out of 31) of obese women underestimated their current BMI.

Interestingly, African-American and Hispanic women had significantly underestimated their current body size, while the white women overestimated.

This last finding is worth discussion, I think. From the way it’s portrayed in TV, movies, and just plain everyday life, there’s definitely a pervasive feeling that African-American and Hispanic women are “allowed” to be heavier, and are in fact praised for their bigger bodies. I recently spoke at a Big 10 university about body image and a freshman woman, who was black, told me that she feels unattractive and hates her body because she’s “too thin.” Meanwhile, the rest of the audience was packed with white women who spoke of the pressure to constantly work out, to be crazy thin and have teeny tiny (but still curvy!) butts and washboard abs and hips and boobs but skinny, yoga-toned arms, preferably set off by a visible collarbone.



article by Leslie Goldman
you can find this article and more like it here


"Thick Chicks" Tamara Blue (Def Poetry)

Co-Dependent Relationships

One of the words that became very popular in the 90s is co-dependent. Initially it was used to describe the spouses of chemically dependent people. The term gradually expanded to cover people who let the feelings and actions of another affect them to the degree that they lose control over their own lives.

Co-dependency is primarily applied to women and has a negative connotation. One rarely hears of a man described as co-dependent. Instead a male spouse of an addict who cares for house and home is looked at positively. They get accolades and recognition for the additional work that they are doing. We have a double standard in our society. What is admired in men may be frowned upon in women.

What is it about our society that has encouraged women to become co-dependent? Our culture holds women responsible for managing their families, home, and their jobs. There is little reinforcement to also care for self. Additionally, women are by nature caring about others and willing to do what needs to be done.

Molly had been married to Jeff for 28 years. They both had jobs outside the home but Molly saw herself also as being responsible to make sure the family was functioning. For many years they worked well together, he primarily took care of the house, yard and car maintenance. As Jeff's drinking increased he did less and less at home. Molly took on his tasks also. He was less and less available to the family and began staying away increasingly. Molly made sure that the kids and house were taken care of. Between her job and all she had to do at home Molly took no time for herself. One day her husband told her that he was leaving her. How could that be? She had worked so hard at preserving the outward appearance of a "perfect" marriage. Molly was the kind of person who, from the time she was little, was pleasing others. She was taught not to be selfish. When she was sad or unhappy she pushed it away saying to herself that she should not feel that way. After a while she couldn't even tell what she felt. Denial of her feelings over time blocked them out.

I see the term co-dependency as being applied negatively to women who provide strength and stability to their families. When they label themselves co-dependent they view this as there being something wrong with them. When in reality these are incredibly strong women who need to recognize that it is important to also care for themselves. That means adding a piece rather than having to defend what they have been doing. Labels, like co-dependent, limit people and get in the way of validating their strength. Instead of labels we need to give support to women who take on the responsibility of keeping the family functioning. They also need to hear the positive message that indeed it is all right for them to also care about themselves and to have expectations of others.


This article is taken from the article
Co-Dependent Relationships Burden Women
By Kristina Von Rosenvinge


artwork "He Needs To Get Out More!" by Thomas Fedro
click here to purchase this piece or see more of his work

Recovery

Recovery
by Vertigo Verb



No longer being the proverbial crutch
or silently wishing I didn't care so much
pregnant with hope
giving birth to a new
a new way of thinking
a new point of view
digging deep to bury the past
hoping that the new me last
both feet on the ground
and head held high
fingers reaching
clutching the sky
it's over now
and I'm finding me
this is my recovery


artwork "Inner Peace" by Monica Stewart
visit this site to purchase and see more of her work

Pressing On

The Elevate! Lounge (sanctuary) build is finally complete!! The vibe is so low key, comfy and inviting.  On behalf of myself, Midori (Mimi) Leandros, Oriana Robertson, Sentience Nyanda, Jinkx Jewel and Toi Kohime, we welcome you! Welcome to all who are ready to lay down some burdens and help uplift someone else.  Each story is a building block - a stepping stone.  

We offer an environment that is conducive to freedom of self - in every aspect - your mind, your body your spirit.  We encourage you to learn to love God (granted I know all don't believe in the same God as me) but speaking from a personal perspective - but to connect to whatever you believe - whatever gives u strength- just connect to that and learn to love yourself all over again or more.  In learning to love (God) we learn to love ourselves and the other people we share our lives with and interact with on daily basis.  We can learn to let go of inhibitions and trust ourselves more.  Elevate is the place to explore that.  Come and join us - come and share with us!

Afresh-Anew-Revive-Renew in 2009

Introducing Elevate Lounge - a new place in Second Life where people - all people men and women can express themselves, share their lives and be in the company of others who have had the same life experiences.  I am Midori (Mimi) Leandros. This was my New Year's Resolution - not so much the lounge itself - but to open myself up more to people and share my life experiences - in hopes of encouraging someone and uplifting them - casting the light on hope.  Coincidentally, my friend Oriana Robertson has had a desire to do the same thing - and so the idea gained some momentum and we started to build and spread the word - gather our resources.

So please stay tuned as we go forth in this new venture to attempt strengthen, enlighten and elevate each other.

We are planning spoken word hour, and a free talk session - just to express and share.  For now the goals are for just one day a week - to be determined.

God Bless,

Mimi 

GET LIFTED!!

Stay focused on positivity!